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The problem of loneliness is one of the most serious problems of humanity, in which a person, for one reason or another, is unable to establish a relationship of friendship, love or enmity. When a person feels that their relationship is incomplete and insignificant, when communication needs are not met, they begin to feel more lonely. Several factors can cause a feeling of loneliness during adolescence. When a teenager feels helpless in the face of a situation that causes him to be lonely, he becomes depressed and cannot make any decisions to overcome it or, conversely, to fully understand the situation that caused his loneliness. encourages you to act decisively.
Studies show that loneliness depends on a person's self-esteem. For many people, the feeling of loneliness is associated with low self-esteem, the realization that they are useless, inflexible.
The feeling of loneliness is also the result of the individual’s accepted standards of normal interpersonal relationships increasing or decreasing depending on the dynamics of change. Such standards are usually of a subjective type and, although they do not have clear descriptions, are clearly expressed in the idea that “if I had more friends,” “no one would truly understand me”. At the same time, these standards are relative, leading to an increase in the feeling of loneliness with a slight narrowing of the circle of communication in a person who previously had many friends, and a decrease in loneliness in those who previously had few friends.
Lonely people often attribute their loneliness to character flaws, lack of ability, lack of attractiveness, lack of conscious volitional control, not enough effort to restore the relationship, ineffective means spent on it do not pay much attention to the factor. The causal attribute of such individuals is related to internal locus control and is often associated with qualities such as shyness, fear of rejection of attempts to establish a relationship, not knowing how to behave in this situation.
The main way a person pays attention to loneliness is related to aggression or depression. Depression often occurs at the inner locus of control, and aggression at the outside. The manifestation of a high propensity or hostility to obedience has a positive correlation with one’s loneliness among people. Lonely people often feel like they are useless, that no one loves them, and as a result, they have a stronger sense of self-criticism.
According to other hypotheses, the feeling of loneliness is related to the incompatibility of the three types of “I” in a person (real “I”, ideal “I”, reflected “I”). The hypotheses confirmed in the studies suggest that the influence of subjective causes on the occurrence of loneliness is more significant than objective causes. Most people are not able to accurately assess the attitudes of those around them, nor are they able to assess how others perceive them.
Individuals who do not value themselves believe that others will treat them the same way. They are very sensitive to the suggestions and protests of those around them about communication. People with low self-esteem are very quick to respond to outside appeals and suggestions, especially those who reject them. Such people are very sensitive to criticism and shortcomings in themselves. They are skeptical of the compliments expressed in their honor. Low self-esteem creates a complex of many interrelated psychologically unpleasant factors that in turn also hinder the establishment of personal relationships with other people. Prolonged feelings of loneliness negatively affect self-esteem. The failure to communicate increases the feeling of loneliness, which in turn leads to a decrease in self-confidence. The factor of a person's unwillingness to be in a state of interpersonal communication also contributes to the feeling of loneliness. Fear of the negative consequences of engaging in interpersonal relationships prevents loneliness from overcoming.
Chronic, situational, and transient types of loneliness can be distinguished. Chronic loneliness is manifested in the inability of a person to establish a satisfactory interpersonal relationship for a long time with people who are of particular importance to him or her. Situational loneliness is usually the result of a stressful situation in a person’s life (death of a loved one, loss of someone), after a short period of time a lonely person is forced to get used to what they have lost. Transient loneliness is manifested in a person’s short-term feelings and can pass without a trace. Losing one of them as a result of parental separation in childhood, an emotionally close trusting relationship, and a lack of parental support make an individual extremely sensitive to loneliness as he or she grows up.
In conclusion, the relationship between low self-esteem and loneliness can be explained in two different ways. First, low self-esteem leads to inner alienation in a person; second, low self-esteem is associated with such a system of behavioral tendencies and attitudes of the individual that they in turn complicate interpersonal relationships.
prepared by psychologist Sarvar Kakhkhorov
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